“Going Easy on Terrorists”. Senator John McCain Arrested by the FBI
SATIRE
Prior to leading McCain away, agents were seen removing computers, file cabinets, a PlayStation 4 console and related joysticks as well as World Series of Poker and Water-Board 3 game-boxes from the Senator’s residence.
The
arrest relates to violations of the USA Patriot Act (18 U. S. C.
§2339B), specifically “providing material support to terrorists”.
Moreover the bill is quite specific and unyielding in its definition of
the term (emphasis added):
“…’material
support or resources’ means any property, tangible or intangible, or
service, including currency or monetary instruments or financial
securities, financial services, lodging, training, undisclosed gaming proceeds,
expert advice or assistance, safehouses, false documentation or
identification, communications equipment, facilities, weapons, lethal
substances, explosives, personnel (1 or more individuals who may be or
include oneself), and transportation, except medicine or religious
materials”
While
no one has accused the Senator of providing a safehouse in the Nation’s
Capitol for al Qaeda, McCain openly and vigorously fraternized with
known al Qaeda operatives in Syria in May of this year.
[US
Senator John McCain (C) poses with infamous kidnapper in Syria, Mohamed
Nour (seen with his hand on his chest and holding a camera)
In fact during a marathon,
all-night Texas Hold-em session, he reportedly lost his shirt and his
Senate gym pass to one. Considering journalists get tossed in jail for
merely writing about these same folks, the FBI is only being consistent.
What more could one ask of a stultifying police state?
“It’s the poker clause that could really hang him up”, suggested one Patriot Act expert.
“You
cannot leave chips on the table with a known terrorist organization.
Even more damaging, by the Senator’s own Twitter admission he’s no
expert at the game.”
Of course he was referring to McCain’s widely reported gaming on the Senate floor earlier in the month. What about the ‘expert advice’ condition, we asked.
“Fortunately for the Senator, flying off the handle is not a recognized expertise. So he should be okay there.”
Normally
a separation of powers claim would be invoked except the Constitution
is largely in tatters and no one knows this better than Senator McCain.
His one best hope is that the rendition state has gaming capabilities or
that his newly-acquired al Qaeda associates can mount a reprisal attack
on key American installations in a bid to win his release. But as
McCain is a Baptist congregant with a bad temper, such a reprisal is
bound to be half-hearted and fraught with internal dissension.
Asked
to comment on his colleague vanishing like a thin vapor trail. Senator
Lindsey Graham clucked, “I sure hope his friends don’t launch a nuclear
attack on the Kennedy Center. But this is what happens when we go easy
on terrorists after going hard on them after going easy on them.”
Norman
Ball is a businessman, author and poet whose essays have appeared in
Counterpunch, Asia Times, The Western Muslim, The Glasgow Herald and
elsewhere. His new book is “Between River and Rock: How I Resolved
Television in Six Easy Payments” is available here.
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